Tuesday, February 28, 2006 

"You have to know the 5 D's of dodgeball. Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge."

I work for a fun company. It seems that there are always classes, contests and tournaments to participate in. We recently had a dodgeball tournament at work and I was having one of those “lapse in judgment” moments when I agreed to join a team. I only signed up because my friend / coworker convinced me to. We were going to be on the same team and it was going to be a blast. She, however, fractured her foot the weekend before the tournament and was unable to play. Man, I wish I would have thought of that! I’d take a fractured bone over public humiliation any day.

Immediately after signing up I started having flashbacks to elementary school P.E. and the mean gym teacher, Mr. Schaefer, who made me cry. I should have known this was a bad idea. Dodgeball is a lot more difficult than I remember it being. But I guess in 3rd grade throwing a ball at people and running around doesn’t seem like much work.

Adult dodgeball is a whole different story. First of all, I suck at dodging. This should have been my first clue that I was more cut out for watching than playing. The skill of dodging is a key element in the game (hence the name) and it is a skill I lack. When I saw a ball coming toward me my first instinct was not to dodge. No, my first instinct was to stand frozen and scream until the ball hit me. Second of all, I throw like a girl. Yes, I know, I am a girl but I had high hopes in my ball throwing skills. Whenever the ball left my hand it was like watching something move in slow motion. It was horrible…pitiful…embarrassing.

I’ve decided that I’m really just there for the entertainment. I mean, what better way to spend an evening than to humiliate yourself in front of people you work with. The best part of the tournament was the fact that they spelled my name wrong. When I walked into the gym I headed straight for the sign announcing all the team members. I tried to find my name, however, it was not there. I looked once again and saw it. There in big black letters staring at me in horror. URISTA. What kind of name is that?? My name is KRISTA. How do you get a K and U mixed up? Come on! All night long my coworkers called me Urista. I’m never going to live that one down.

Thank goodness it’s over. Just give me a little time to forget about that experience and I’ll be up for the next tournament. Bring on basketball!

Sunday, February 26, 2006 

You had me at “super”

Yesterday Mr. T and I decided it would be fun to head downtown to the Home & Garden Expo. The show didn’t exactly live up to our expectations. It’s a good thing we took our used subway cups to the ticket office for a discounted admission fee. We had to pass the cups through the little circular hole in the ticket booth and received $1.00 off our admission. Only in Oklahoma…

We got there just in time to hear Kenneth Brown from HGTV’s reDesign speak. He mostly talked about himself but he did take some time at the end to answer the silly audience questions. I tried to listen to what he had to say but mostly I was critiquing his outfit to myself (and sometimes out loud). It was interesting but I’ll spare you the details.

The presentation was ended abruptly by one of the volunteers so we made our way to the other exhibit hall and walked around. The super shammy caught our attention. These things are amazing! The presentation was enough to get us to fork over some money for the thing. As we were standing in line to buy one some kid walked up to the demonstrator and said, “You had me at super!” haha…he had to be no more than 10 years old. Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure where his parents were.

The most exciting exhibit, however, was the Vita-Mix table. I don’t normally get excited about kitchen appliances but this is amazing. We learned how to make our own peanut butter from honey roasted peanuts. I walked past the table three times because it was so incredible. Afterwards we went home and tried it ourselves. It turns out that Mr. T has an antique Vita-Mix from the 1980’s. It’s a monster machine but we cleaned it up and it worked!

The newest version of the Vita-Mix, the Vita-Mix 5000 is only $399. So if you’d like to contribute to my Vita-Mix fund I would greatly appreciate it! You may even get some homemade peanut butter out of the deal. You won’t regret it.

Thursday, February 23, 2006 

All I need to know about life I learned from my girlfriends...

I’m sure that almost any girl will agree with me on this. Life just wouldn’t be the same without your girlfriends. Now, I’m not discounting my male friendships at all. There are certainly a few guys that I am blessed to have in my life and don’t know what I would do without. However, some days you just need the girls. Girlfriends are there for you no matter what. You can laugh, cry, talk about boys, vent about anything and they always understand. They don’t try to come up with a solution…they just listen.

These are my best girlfriends from high school although we were in college by the time this picture was taken. In high school were inseparable and I wouldn’t have had near as much fun without them. Every time I go home for a visit I get to see them and it’s just like old times. Reminiscing with them is always good for a laugh. You know, one of those belly laughs that make your abs and sides hurt. I miss laughing like that.

One of these girls called me last night. I don’t get to talk to her as much as I’d like to. But every time we talk we can pick up right where we left off. I’ve been having a hard week for a lot of different reasons and it made my day to talk to her! It was the “pick-me-up” that I didn’t know I needed.

Monday, February 20, 2006 

Open wide

I almost drowned at the dentist on Saturday. I’ve never had a fear of the dentist. Well, other than the time he wanted to pull my tooth when I was little and I refused to open my mouth. I take good care of my teeth so a visit to the dentist is a fairly simple procedure. Well, this weekend it was anything but simple.

Saturday morning I braved the weather and drove through the ice and snow to get to my 6-month check up/cleaning. The dental hygienist that’s usually there was on vacation so I had a new girl working on me. She was odd. I could tell that she was new at her job and very nervous. I tried to put her at ease by making small talk with her. Well, this spurred her on to talk non-stop during the appointment. Have you ever been sitting in the dentists chair with tools in your mouth and the person working on you asks you questions that require more than a yes or no answer? This is what happened to me. I was in the chair with the water sprayer, spit sucker and the thingy with the mirror and the light in my mouth and she began to ask me where I work and what I do for a living. How do you talk at this point and say “accounting” without either gagging or drooling? Apparently she understood what I said because it made her very excited. You see, her husband is an accounting major in college and is looking for an internship. She would love for him to get a job at my company. All the while she was talking she had the tools in my mouth. The problem was that the spit sucker was turned off but the water sprayer was not. My mouth was filling up with water. I didn’t know what to do. Should I start gargling so she realizes that it’s time to turn the water sprayer off? I seriously considered that. But then something happened and she pushed one of the tools farther into my mouth. I started choking on the tool and the water. I was going to drown in the dentists’ chair. She finally stopped talking long enough to realize what was going on. I grabbed the spit sucker from her and turned it on. Needless to say, she let me be in charge of the spit sucker for the rest of the appointment. The only other thing I could have used while there was a towel. When she started polishing my teeth with that green fluoride stuff it splattered all over my face.

I was almost giddy with excitement when she was finally finished and it was time for the actual dentist to come in. I don’t have to go back for six more months now. Hopefully she’ll be more experienced by then. Or even better…my old dental hygienist won’t be on vacation.

Thursday, February 16, 2006 

fantasy season

At the risk of sounding white trash and/or “southern”…I love NASCAR!!!

I now feel the need to defend myself. I am from Oregon and had never heard of NASCAR until I moved to Oklahoma. In the several years that I’ve lived here I have made a conscious effort not to do or say anything that could label me as being from this part of the country. I wouldn’t even eat fried foods when I came here as a college freshman. The thought of frying everything imaginable and serving it with gravy was foreign to me. I actually lost weight my freshman year (although the freshman 15 caught up with me as an upper classman) because I couldn’t bear to put “southern” food in my mouth. Now, 6 1/2 years later, the only two “southern” things that have rubbed off on me are 1) the occasional slip of the word “ya’ll” from my mouth and 2) a passion for NASCAR.

I know that some of you are reading this and making fun of me. It’s really my friend Ashley’s fault. We lived together for two long years in college. Every single Sunday afternoon the race would be on our living room television. I fought it for as long as I could but, as they say, if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em!

If you’re not laughing at me yet then this next part may push you over the edge. This 2006 season I am participating in Fantasy NASCAR. Yesterday evening I finally got around to setting up my team. This Sunday, Feb. 19th, marks the official start of the Season…the Daytona 500. You better believe that I will be watching the race and cheering my team on.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006 

Oh the stress of it all....

First of all…I changed my blog template. What do you think? Yes? No? Better? Worse?

Here lately I get stressed out over seemingly trivial things. Case-in-point: Grey’s Anatomy. The past two Sunday’s I have sat on the edge of my seat during that show. I tend to have bad dreams when I get really tense over things like TV and movies. This past Sunday I got so tense that I jumped and screamed when someone came up behind me unexpectedly.

Well last night was no different. It wasn’t a television show but a basketball game. I attended the Hornets vs. Wizards game at the Ford Center here in OKC. The game started out a little slow and we were behind by quite a bit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly bored. I also had a headache and was sitting right in front of a row of screamers. It probably wouldn’t have taken much to convince me to leave the game early. However, the game redeemed itself in the second half.
I don’t know what happened to the Hornets but they suddenly got a burst of energy and found their ability to hold on to the ball (which they seemed to have lost in the first half). The team quickly filled in the huge gap in the score and even got ahead by a few points. The whole crowd was on their feet by the last quarter. Everyone was clapping, dancing and screaming for the Hornets. It came down to the last 30 or so seconds. We were ahead by one point. That’s it…just one point! We were in possession of the ball and it seemed that we were trying to run the clock down. We had to make a shot though or we would have a shot clock violation. So we took the shot…and missed! Oh my goodness…the stress of this game was wearing me out! The Wizards took the ball to the other end of the court and put it through the hoop putting them one point ahead of us. At this point I thought it was over for the Hornets and put my hands on my head and closed my eyes. However, a time-out had been called and there was .5 seconds left on the clock. That’s it…1/2 second people! There’s no way we could win the game in a ½ second, is there? I could hardly bear to watch as we threw the ball in from the sideline. Since I had my eyes closed I didn’t see exactly what happened but the ball got knocked back into the crowd and the time on the clock still stood at .5 seconds. We tried again. A fast pass to the top of the key and the shot was good!! We won by one point right as the buzzer went off. I was jumping up and down, waving my arms in the air and screaming. I turned to Matt and gave him a high-five. I have never been so excited! The whole crowd was cheering and nobody was leaving. Everyone stayed in the stands to cheer on the Hornets. Whew! So much adrenaline running through my body that I had to go home and wind down for a bit before I could even think about going to sleep.

By the way…I decided that my new favorite Hornets player is Jackson Vroman. He doesn’t get a ton of playing time but he always does good things when he’s in. I had to choose a new favorite after Chris Anderson a.k.a. The Birdman was kicked out of the NBA.

Sunday, February 12, 2006 

God Bless the U.S.A.

I spent a better part of the weekend cheering on fellow Americans at the 2006 winter Olympics. The festivities began on Friday evening with the opening ceremonies. The show was spectacular! Toward the end, Peter Gabriel sang John Lennon’s “Imagine.” As he sang, the athletes put their arms around each other and swayed back and forth. Getting into the spirit of the Olympics Mr. T and I decided to do the same thing in my living room! If you know me well then you have no problem believing that I really got into the spirit of things.

Saturday evening was the official Olympic / Wine party at my house. If you weren’t there then you missed out on a great evening. In honor of the games we had wine from all over the world. The countries being represented by wine that night were Italy, Spain, Germany, France, Australia and the United States (Oregon & Missouri). We also had some tasty chocolate and almond bark treats to represent the Swiss Alps in honor of skiing and snowboarding.

As the night wore on we got more and more excited about the Olympic games. Being the creative group of people we are we decided to re-enact some of the most popular winter Olympic sports.

Here we have Matt and I executing a beautiful lift during a pairs figure skating event. Next we have Terra in a graceful pose during her figure skating program. Last we have my roommate Jamie and Amy Lynn competing side by side in the Skeleton.

Whew...what a weekend! What is your favorite winter Olympic Sport?

(side note: The Flying Tomato, who I was rooting for, won Olympic Gold in the men's halfpipe competition. And, personally, I am not a big fan of the new style for the Olympic medals.)

Thursday, February 09, 2006 

Road Rage

Ok Lindsy…a new post just because you nagged me about it

What is it with Oklahoma drivers? Seriously…what is it that happens to people when they get behind the wheel? It’s like something in your brain clicks and you are no longer able to make intelligent decisions. This is why I hate driving. It is quite possibly my least favorite daily activity to participate in.

The following things happened while I was on the road during my lunch hour this afternoon:

    A young girl in a green pick up truck was talking on her cell phone while trying to merge onto the highway. To this young girl, I commend your attempt at multi-tasking behind the wheel. I, myself, do this same thing all the time. However, when you are swerving from left to right and cannot manage to stay within the white lines it may be time to put your cell phone down! I’m scared to pass you because it seems quite likely you may side swipe my car. Some states have laws against talking on your cell phone while driving and I’m beginning to think Oklahoma should be one of them.

    A yield sign at the end of an on-ramp does NOT mean stop! How do you expect to speed up enough to safely merge onto the interstate if you stop right before you have to merge? If you were meant to stop at this point then there would be a stop sign!!

    To construction workers near my office…I realize that you need to travel from site to site throughout the day and you may even need to pile into the bed of a pick-up truck to get to your destination. However, is it really necessary to wave, blow kisses and make other gestures at me while I’m following your truck? I’m only behind you because I have to be. I do not enjoy looking at you and I only continue to look out my front windshield so I can figure out a way to get around you. You are sweaty, stinky, and missing some teeth…I do not find that attractive!

    Last but certainly not least. If you are getting ready to pull out of a parking lot and onto a street you need to stop and look both ways BEFORE pulling out. It does nobody any good if you decide to stop in the middle of the road. Now I’m mad at you because I’ve slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting you. On top of that, I now I have to wait for you to back up so I can continue down the road.
I tend to be an aggressive driver. If you’ve ever been a passenger in my car you may have even detected a hint of road rage. It’s only because of days like this...

Monday, February 06, 2006 

Sexual Harassment

I'm posting this story at Stacey's request and because it's a good story and worth re-telling. The last name of the victim has been changed because...well, because I just can't remember it.

I work in the accounting department of a large oil & gas company here in OKC. I am a new employee and have only been there for about 3 months now. Upon completing my first 30 days of employment I received a gift certificate to the company store. After my first purchase I needed to return just one thing. I emailed the appropriate person, Stuart Smith, to let him know that I would be returning an item to the store via inter-office mail. My email was very professional and I addressed him as Mr. Smith. He replied asking me to please refer to him as Stu from now on. I complied with his wishes and, in my next email, made it a point to use his name, Stu, several times. I hit the “ignore all” button on the spell check and the email was sent. Later that day as I was cleaning out my email folders I came across this email. I was horrified by what I read. Apparently I had mistakenly hit the “change all” button before sending the email. Each time I had typed the name “Stu” spell check change it to “Stud.” I had just emailed a man I have never met and called him a stud several times. Haha…I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Now here is my question. Is that sexual harassment? I just finished my new employee orientation and had to watch the sexual harassment video. The video makes it very clear that any unwanted advance can be defined as sexual harassment. So far there have been no complaints against me filed in the HR office. I’m sure he got a good laugh out of it. I know I did…and so did all my coworkers.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 

Happy Birthday Bobby!

Today, Groundhog's Day, my brother turns 23 years old! If you know him, wish him a Happy Birthday.

(I know it's kinda late to post this but, hey, there's still a few more hours left to celebrate!)

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 

My apologies to Landon

I have a habit of speaking without thinking first. Add to that my very loud voice and sometimes it equals public embarrassment. Hey…it makes for good stories! Today is the birthday of one of my coworkers. In honor of this occasion, we went to eat lunch at Macaroni Grill. Enter Landon. He was our very cute and very single waiter. Now keep in mind there are seven of us at lunch…all women. Only two of us are single but we all recognize how good looking he is. One of the ladies at the table suggests that we leave a phone number for him on the paper tablecloth. In response, I decide it is appropriate to announce to the table that I do not pick up men at restaurants. Remember how I said I have a loud voice…I actually announced it to the whole restaurant. Oh, I should mention also that, unbeknownst to me, Landon was standing right behind me the whole time.

So my single coworker and I discuss who gets to leave their phone number for him. It’s her birthday so, obviously, she wins that fight. On top of being so good looking, Landon is also very attentive to our needs. He’s just racking up points for this! He brings us more fresh bread before we finished with the first loaf, refills our oil & vinegar bowl and makes sure we have enough water at all times. At the end of our meal Landon so graciously offered to bring us Chocolate Grenache cake for my coworkers’ birthday…on him. Are you getting an idea of just how great of a waiter he was? Haha. After he walked away I made a comment about him to the table. My coworkers all just stared at me with their eyes wide and tried to stifle their giggles. I turned around and there he was just standing there once again. Does he ever go away so we can talk about him? As soon as I saw him my face turned bright red and I burst into laughter (I have a loud laugh as well as a loud voice).

The next time he came over and graced us with his presence I did it once again! How does he keep showing up at the exact moment I’m speaking? I decided not to talk anymore…about anything.

So, Landon, I apologize for acting like a junior high girl. I apologize for embarrassing you, me and pretty much everyone else at the table. I left you a big tip for putting up with me!

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